Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
