i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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