Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
