She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
