Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
