I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
What drink are we having for lunch?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
