i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
