I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
