when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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