He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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