i need an iv and a liver transplant
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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