$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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