the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
