I'm lost and stupid without you.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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