He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
