FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
