i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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