I think I died a long time ago.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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