the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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