I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
