my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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