Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
