your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
