can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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