the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
