and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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