wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
