Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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