This is not my ceiling
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
