remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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