I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
