I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
