she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i will never coherently bang her
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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