you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
