I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
