Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pants are for mortals
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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