I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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