So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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