I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
