Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
