she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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