she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
