You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he puts the penis in happiness.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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