dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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