dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Randomize
