I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
