i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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