I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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