Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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