I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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