Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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