I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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