I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
