I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
