the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
