I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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