Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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