Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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